Managing your emotions to be an effective leader

As a leader it is important to be able to manage your emotions as you lead your team

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Thoughtful Leader

Being unable to manage your emotions can result in a perception that you are unprofessional; people may also consider you to be unstable, making you a bigger risk to work with or to put in front of important people.

Being unable to manage your emotions can also damage trust and relationships, which are both important aspects of leadership. Team members may become fearful of engaging with an overly emotional leader, resulting in that leader being perceived as unapproachable.

Here are some ways to be more in tune with how you’re feeling and able to manage your emotions.

Build awareness of your emotions

The first step to being able to respond better to your emotions is to become more aware of them. You can use mindful methods to do this – for example, sit quietly and notice the feeling of different parts of your body.

Manage your emotions by considering alternative explanations

Alternative explanations are a technique used in cognitive behavioural therapy to help people find new ways of looking at situations. The process involves alternative explanations for events or behaviours that are causing stress or concern; the idea is that by considering alternative explanations, you are will reduce the strength of your emotional response.

Widen the gap between emotion and response 

Here are some ideas you can use to try to widen the gap between feeling your emotions and responding to them:

• Take a time out: if you’re in the middle of a tense situation and can feel your emotions rising, see if you can reconvene at a later time. Go outside, get some fresh air and let the emotions fade before continuing.
• Do it tomorrow: about to send that nasty email or call someone and let them have it? How about waiting until the next morning instead? Chances are, you will respond much more effectively after the heat of the moment has passed- you may even choose not to respond at all.
• Confirm your understanding: if someone says something that stirs strong emotions in you, try summarising and reflecting the statement back to them to confirm your understanding. Ask some questions to clarify, before you respond; this can buy you some time to process your emotions.
• Pause: even a short two to three second pause can help you to process your emotions and potentially respond in a more constructive way.

Check your intention 

Is your intention to hurt someone else, to put them in their place, or to make them feel bad or is your intention to achieve a positive outcome?

If it’s the latter, then it’s clear that delivering a strong emotional response will probably not help. There are more constructive ways to influence or convince people of a better way forward. If your intention is to hurt, then it’s probably best to avoid the interaction altogether.